Tuesday, June 19, 2012

Bad moods and how to cope

Lately, my moods have been below average. If I knew why I was in a bad mood, solving the problem would be a piece of cake, but I just don't! So, anyway, maybe if I make a list it will help. Tips, anyone? (please!)

  • People not believing answers I give. No, I don't want to do that! (Oh, you do? Yay! NOOooo)
  • Not knowing where I'm going with my life and angry that I apparently have to know right now.
  • Angry that when I tell people I'm getting the GED, they say I should get the SATs done. Dude! Just focus on what I'm trying to do now, will you!  Sheesh. Already feeling a little overwhelmed here.
  • Annoyed that practically all of my best friends live far away.
  • Occasionally annoyed at myself for not being a peppy, outgoing, accomplish everything person, even though I've tried that and it makes me feel sickish and it also sucks big time. 
  • Annoyed that not being all of the above puts you at a huge disadvantage in today's super competitive world.
  • Hating money
  • Disliking my self-esteem issues and the fact that everyone knows that I have them. 
  • Mad that I feel dumb just because I haven't based my my whole success in life on a crap-load of tests. (Sidenote: the thing about tests: when you get some things wrong on them, you automatically assume that you don't know tons of other stuff as well, when the fact remains that you DO. But it just wasn't on the test. So...yeah....don't be discouraged if you have no idea how fast 10 2 lb cans of peas rolling down a hill with a 45 degree incline will go. Because you know lots of other more important things that aren't a memorized equation.
  • Worried about college.
  • Pissed off that everything in life seems to be about being the best, and wondering why I don't feel that urge to be on top. Everyone else does. 
Okay, so, besides this massive list, there is something else, something deeper, that's making everything look bleak right now, but I just can't figure out what it is. I have food, shelter, and water. I have tons of people in my everyday life pushing and prodding me towards a more "well-rounded" version of myself.   
I'm not starving and living in some gutter. I'm not a creature watching its world turn to mush around it because of humans (well, actually...) 

Maybe this is what they call the "dark night of the soul." Or it's just weird teenage hormones warring inside of me. Anyway. I'm working on all of these things. My theory is that because normal, trained-up high-school kids have their futures planned out already, probably from the day they're born (preschool, middle school, highschool, college, grad school, job, marriage, kids, retirement) they have a stress-free life. They know exactly what step they are going to take next. There may be variations on this, but basically it's the same all round. Now, I'm glad I've grown up the way I have. When I'm on those bleak, block-like school grounds, I feel something slowly ebb away, and it takes a while to get it back. Great, they're institutes of learning, but.....something about them gives me the wiggins.

2 comments:

  1. I'll comment on this later when I've had time to read it several times and think of a good answer, but for now - Listen to Little Boxes. The Decemberists do a good version. Every time I feel like "normal" people seem to have it better than me, I always listen to that.
    Also - Nice sly Buffy reference. XD

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  2. aha! thanks very much, i shall go listen.

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